I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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