Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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