today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
