I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
