apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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