If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize