This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize