We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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