No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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