i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
