just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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