and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
