shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
