It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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