I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
