I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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