she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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