Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
