Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Can I color on your dick again?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
