I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
