Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Every concussion has its silver lining
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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