Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I smell stomach acid.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
