I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
