No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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