from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize