someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
