you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
