Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
