Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
