Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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