Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
