If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
