They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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