i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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