I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
