That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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