dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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