He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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