Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
