I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
