Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
