Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
