He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
