apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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