Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
