Just fell off a train. Bad.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
