I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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