you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
