I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I love having hate sex.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize