I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
