You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
