yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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