Kiss
Puke
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
