if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
