Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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