Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I need a beard to bite.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
