I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
