We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize