dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
