As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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