whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
