is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well I just put wine in my tea
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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