i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Dear god my vagina.
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