All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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