I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
