hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
