Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
