Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
