You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
