The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
